it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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