This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize