is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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