I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
