Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
