sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
