Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
