Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize