You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
