addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
