Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
