One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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