he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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