When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
