i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
