I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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