Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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