The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
