i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
