so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
