i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
