Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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