Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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