Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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