I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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