My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
