I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
