I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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