I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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