Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she looked like the before picture.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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