No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
