Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
