yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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