We're like a lot better than the average bears
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
