she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
should my penis look like a turkey
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
