So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
