sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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