My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
