Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
