Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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