So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
