Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize