names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
