TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
