Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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