PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
