I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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