my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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