so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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