Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
