I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
