Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
