he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
