i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
