Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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