your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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