So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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