Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
