there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
