Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
