I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
