scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
