Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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