I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
