i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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