Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
