I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
