He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
