Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
